#156: When We Confuse Validation for Love

What happens when we confuse validation for love?

Is that opportunity really worth accepting?

Is that relationship really worth fighting for?

Is that friendship really worth the effort?

I ask these questions because it’s important to reflect on WHO is the person we become in the pursuit of approval and validation. Are we giving up parts of ourselves in this pursuit? Can we even recognize the person we’re becoming?

Nothing is worth abandoning ourselves for. We just need to be brave enough to know that we can pave a path that allows us to be who we yearn to be, while making room for who we already are.

I recently shared a poem I wrote on Instagram (shared below), inspired by a conversation that we had in my online community, The Lighthouse Collective, about how easy it is to confuse validation for love, Or the number of followers we have with the impact we’re creating in the world.

At the beginning of my business, I was making many concessions in who I truly am. It’s the moment I embraced my full self that I became empowered to show up even more as myself.

If you want to hear more on this topic, check out this week’s podcast episode above.

On the episode, I cover:

Micro-moments where we give up parts of ourselves
Why we conform to make others feel comfortable
How the clothing we choose to wear is a reflection of who we are

Here is the poem I wrote and shared if you’re interested.

when I confuse validation⁣
for love⁣
who do I become ⁣
in the pursuit of it? ⁣
⁣
how do I bend + contort ⁣
shapeshift + hide⁣
betray myself ⁣
to stay inside their zone of comfort⁣
⁣
how do I give up approval ⁣
for self-actualization⁣
⁣
how do I reclaim myself ⁣
the parts left behind⁣
⁣
how do I appreciate ⁣
the complexities that make up who I am⁣
⁣
maybe it’s realizing the cost⁣
of validation + approval ⁣
are too expensive ⁣
when it comes at my expense ⁣
⁣
maybe its realizing ⁣
love will never require me ⁣
to leave myself behind ⁣
⁣
especially when I realize ⁣
how profound ⁣
being me truly is⁣
how I lose out ⁣
how the world loses out ⁣
how love loses out⁣
when I believe anything less⁣

I believe in you.

And remember the world truly does lose out, when you believe you are anything less than profound.

Lana

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