We say we want to lose weight, but don’t make any huge effort to eat healthier or exercise. We say we want to quit smoking, but make every excuse in the book about why we can’t start quitting just yet. These are just some small examples of something that all of us routinely do. We say we want something, but our habits and actions tell a completely different story.

First, what we need to do is recognize what the things are that we actually want and what the things are that we say we want because we believed we are supposed to. Going back to above examples, we are routinely told by society that being thin is desirable and anything outside of that is unacceptable. As a result of this there are many people out there who say they want to lose weight, simply because they feel socially obligated to, not because they truly want to. It turns into a vicious cycle because we end up putting ourselves down (or at least I do) for not achieving something that deep down, we don’t really even want to achieve.

The reason that blurs that distinction between your true wants, and the things society says you should want, is that we often lump them together. By doing so, we never achieve anything because the list is too long. It’s easier to never try than to try and fail. By really diving deep into figuring out what is truly you,  and what you want, you’ll be one step closer to getting them.

The next step is that we need to give up this notion that the things we want are out of reach. We can’t be all talk and no game. Many things that we want in life are possible, we just don’t ever put in a lot of effort.

A few weeks ago, my brother gave me some really good feedback when he said my last post was a little shallow, I didn’t go in as depth as I usually do. He was right, and I think a big part of that was leaving my own experience out of it. So to really drive home this week’s point let me share my own stories with you.

I used to always talk about having these grand adventures planned. I planned out a motorcycling trip across 10 countries with my roommate, planned to backpack through Asia with my girlfriend at the time, live in Australia and hike throughout South America with friends. I had big-big plans, the problem was I was doing absolutely nothing to actually accomplish them. I was perpetually stuck in the ‘day-dreaming’ stage, constantly putting off my grand adventures. The biggest thing holding me back was that I wasn’t doing the very thing needed to travel….save money. What I was saying was that I wanted to travel (and travel for long periods of time), but my saving habits were telling a far different story. This went on for my entire time being a student in University, which is arguably one of the best and easiest time to travel. I had 4 months off every year, and I worked 3 jobs during the school year so I could have afforded it. I could have done an exchange, as many friends of mine did, I could have applied for internships abroad, and the list continues. There were so many ways for me to achieve this thing I talked so much about, but for some reason I didn’t.

After finishing University and starting to work full time, that’s when it hit me; I was all talk and no game when it came to being a world traveller. I had to really think about it, why had I never done this thing that I spent so much time daydreaming about? Fear was a big one (http://arrowalwaysmovingforward.com/our-blog/when-ego-clashes-with-fear-we-hide-behind-laziness), but we’ve already covered that topic. The other biggest thing holding me back was I hadn’t actually created any type of plan to get me where I wanted. I knew what I wanted to do while I was travelling, but I didn’t actually have a plan to get me there. In other words I was putting the carriage before the horse. That’s where habits kick in. Any type of large-scale goal requires you to change your habits, otherwise you’d already have achieved this goal. Whatever habits(choices), small or large that you are currently making are not actually getting you to where you want to be. For me that was my saving habits. I needed to actually save enough money to travel. Which is easier said than done.

In the end I set off on my first solo adventure travelling through Japan for a month and then South Korea for another month. It was a success and to sound completely cliche, it was life changing, because it was. Travelling alone in itself was an experience that I’ll share in another post. With completing this trip what happened was I finally wasn’t all talk, I now had some game. The best part too, was that what I did to get that first trip off the ground, was something I could repeat. Something I have repeated now multiple times. My habits are now aligning with something that I want.

Here are some introductory tips that I applied to myself, as well as what I use with the clients I’m coaching.

Steps on how to move from being all talk, to having lots of game:

– First, figure out what are your true motivations behind wanting x. Make sure that before you put in lots of time and effort this is something that you want. Not something you feel you should, or others tell you should. This is important because if your heart isn’t actually in it, the likelihood of you accomplishing it is slim. Not to mention it will take away from doing something that you actually want.

-If it is something you truly want, why do you want it? When you close your eyes and daydream about it, how does that feel? What does that look like? The more detail the better, as this will serve as a reminder of why you want this, even when things get tough (because they will), because habits are hard to kick or acquire.

– Asses what habits you need to change, get rid of, or acquire, to accomplish it.

– If you don’t know what these habits are, ask for help. Who else do you know who’s done this? Pick their brain. Possibly hire a professional coach to help you. If you want to start competing as a bodybuilder, hiring a fitness coach would hugely increase your chances of achieving your goal.

– Create a step-by-step plan that includes things that might go wrong on your journey and how you can overcome them on your way to this goal/lifestyle.